island shores

this is the back stage of my dream

where there's only you and I

and that deep gratitude that fills the room
where would I be without you

so lost, so lonely and afraid
when you called me to rise up I feared

I was afraid that my dream
the one you and I shared in the secret
would do harm for my dear family

we had our own dream as a family
but my part wasn't a leading role
at least I thought

then you came
you took my hand
and lead me to this room

this is where it all started molding
in the secret of my heart
that part where only you have access

you filled me with courageous vision
of a girl with an orphaned heart
who became a queen

in my own life I could have a leading role
you whispered
you didn't force me to come out of my shell

you just dared me with that look in your eyes
filled with love flaming like fire

and I said a silent yes
so silent at first
that you took me to that island

where our hearts first met
transparent as the opal colored ocean around us

we watched as the pacific waves of majesty rose to the sandy shores

you took me to watch that beauty
so I could see mine that you had given me

strenght that was molded in the pain
a warriors heart yet a mothers

you showed me that I could do anything
with you

it was spring when we stood on that island
a season of new, unstoppable growth
and my heart was ready for it

worth it

 

if you are anything like me, timid and shy

don't fool your lovely self by believing a lie I did

that it's okay not to feel like you've found your place

or it's okay to feel like you're an outsider in your own life

walk and hold you head high

i know you have the heart for others

and how hard it is to have that same heart 

for yourself

but don't be afraid

day by day

you'll learn to love yourself

the way you know you should

the way that you feel 

deeply.

connected.

to. 

yourself.

let's walk this path together

because you're not alone

i'm on that same path still

but with a smile, waving at you

whispering that we can do this

because I know we're worth it

worth.

it.

yes.

us.

you.

and.

me.

let's hold each other up

and laugh at the world of possibilities

of the places and things that we haven't yet tried and that might be where we find lost pieces of us, hidden to be found.

smile

we're in this together

we can do this

now,

let's go and stand in front of a mirror

and keep smiling

to that lovely person

who is worth it

worth all the connection

all the cheering up

all the gentle affection

you are beautiful

ink and soul

 

while the weekend starts

it's me and my journal

last week 

by the backyard pool

this week

while our family drives 

to a weekend getaway

i close my eyes

and open my heart

let my hand loose

to write from the soul

i draw my lifestyle

letter by letter

with ink that 

comes from the deep down

how would you live

if your life was yours

to color

yours to decorate

with dots and stripes

rooted in your secret

happy place

Grind

i'm learning to both 

be sensitive to my body

while also the boss

what all sensitive looks like

i never go and excercise

just rest and rest

and feel more tired

what all bossy looks like

i never rest and slow down

just run and run

tasting the blood

in my mouth

somewhere in the middle

is that sweet spot

being kind to myself

while doing the hard things

i can accomplish 

new skills 

when starting slow

and not giving up

along the way

i start loving 

more and more

the grind

for the joy 

that i find 

in the process

and along the way

Reminder

 

I've been thinking a lot lately what to tell myself.

To answer one question.

What is really important for me?

Right now, that is.

It's such a patience process to know yourself, isn't it?

Because we're constantly changing.

Or at least we seem to be, as we adjust to lifes challenges.

I am a work in progress, for sure.

But here's what I've figured.

What I really want to be after.

Who I want to be becoming.

An encourager like Barnabas was.

A great friend, like my friend Dan Baumann is.

Bold to be myself, listen to myself and to challenge myself.

Fully filled with deep internal  p e a c e, no matter what goes on around me.

Playful lover of life, fully present in every moment, for every person around me.

Fully aware of who I am, adopted as a daughter by my heavenly Father.

Worthy to be loved, because he demonstrates that in my life each day.

These things I've made into a short code.

I'm reminding myself three times daily of these goals.

Every time my phone beeps its reminder alarm I see my code. 

B&B: Bold, Peace, Playful. Adopted, Worthy. 

What happens if I've forgotten to shift the reminder for the next day?

I notice myself shrinking with my awareness of who I am and who I am becoming.

Setting these reminders for the next day again feels just so good, deep down.

It's like I'm confessing to myself that I am actually worthy to be loved.

By just simply setting next days reminder.

How simple and yet, what an impact.

I wonder, after ten years of doing this, how do I view myself.

Have you tried setting a reminder for yourself of the person you're intentionally becoming?

What would be your code?

***

What challenged me to do something like this?

Reading a book called High Performance Habbits, by Brendon Burchard.

Have you heard of it?

scattered

i take my pride

and run to you

laying it down

as the runway

our souls connection

is better than

the high lonely

icy tower

embrace me with

my marks

of scattered pride

see the beauty

in my scarlet scars

i was broken

for you

as you have

always been

for me

beautiful

with your

scarred heart
 

girl lost and found

 

i came from a long journey

deep down to myself and back

up again

it's the beauty of life

that you can almost

loose touch with yourself

and find compassion

along the way

how it feels to just

lie down on the couch

and have nothing more to give

who was that girl

who felt that

heavy weighty

burden

on her shoulders

and just cried

it was me

i admit

lost 

to be found

again

she cried and

let it all go

all the anger

that she turned into

becoming that

strong compassionate

women

she always wanted to be

she went deep down to

touch her own soul

and came back

with a pearl

she found what she

loves

her passion

was reborn

inside

in that deep dark

lonely place

she found the truest

self

beautiful

with teary eyes

passion in her

tears

bearfoot 

on the lonely shore

she washed her face

and cried

no more

held by her hand

with a gentle touch

she was lifted up

and carried around

placed on a little throne

to watch

after the pearls

that others had found

for 

she would know their

true worth

now