Self-image

 

Twelve years ago I was crying for deep fear. It was the night before the New York Fashion Week. I had volunteered to help to dress the models with a team of women.

Why was I crying, you might ask? I was terrified because of the self-image that I carried deep down in my heart. Growing up poor had left a stigma in my heart, of not being worthy. And going to that fashion world frightened me for that very reason.

I talked and prayed with my leader Jake, who saw my emotions coming up. And I knew that this was something that I needed to do. So the next morning as we walked towards the beautiful area where the Fashion Week shows were held during that first day, I felt like being an animal who was soon going to be slaughtered.

I decided not to listen to those terrified feelings but started singing a song in my mind: I'll set you as a seal, upon my heart, as a seal upon my arms. For there is love, that is as strong as death, jealousy demanding as the grave. And many waters, cannot quench this love. You won't relent until you have it all, my heart is yours.

I ended up facing one of my deepest fear during that time. While we were dressing up the models in twenty shows and encouraging them during the times when we could talk with them, my self-image was being rebuilt. 

Pieces that I otherwise would have been collecting for a long time, were coming together in a speed that made my heart burst out of joy and peace. I started believing into my own worth while I saw it being reconstructed.

Sometimes doing what you are really afraid of, but also have a great desire for, can take you further quicker than always avoiding the risk. 

If you are on the edge of doing something brave, maybe talk with a friend who has always supported you. Ask their opinion. Or maybe not.

Sometimes only you know the answer in your heart. Ask your own heart, if this fear is worth facing. In the midst of the biggest fears, while taking the bold steps, we often can feel in the deepest ways, how we are being loved.