have you ever felt the whole day spin before 9am?
like something tiny set you off,
but now you’re snappy to yourself in your mind, feel exhausted, find yourself scrolling, or shutting down?
here's a gentle toolkit to help you catch the signs sooner.
because your trauma response isn’t random - it’s a signal.
and when you learn to recognize it early,
you can shift before the spiral.
I write this as a love letter to your nervous system:
the signs, the pause, the power you have to choose something new.
my story
I remember the feeling of my throat shutting down
I woke up late for the first day of school
it was the beginning of fourth grade
in a brand new school
that moment I was my own greatest bully
when I waited there,
after being led to the new classroom
by the teacher's desk
other students told me afterwards
how calm I looked
but boy if they would have seen
in the inside 🚨
that nervous cramping in my stomach
while I was leading the scout girls team
my mind was such a hostile place
and when something happened that I froze
someone was unkind to my little sister
who had her special needs challenges but just wanted to be part of the team
it felt so lonely and isolated
my whole world was spiraling
those days when I stayed silent
in the loud youth crowd
felt myself different
awkward and someone nothing to say
I carried that stigma of poverty
fear was shutting me down emotionally
so often that feeling came that
I didn't belong
I changed school again
being closer to my extended family made me feel safer inside
like I belonged in there
even if I froze in the cafeteria
among the crowd of teens
in my grandparents place I felt
all was good
grandma told me to take a nap
when the overwhelm of homework hit
and I did
and I felt better
the pressure of my hostile mind
when I found myself spiraling
and the pressure from the outside
were together sometimes
too much to bare
and I cried
that ugly cry
when your eyes are swollen shut afterwards when you wake up
the next morning
but what I learned along the years
was that in those moments
especially
I was being held
that the pressure I put on
my own shoulders
that hostile mind jargon I listened
coming from my broken self-image
was just words
they were echoing in my own mind
and that made them feel like they were
true
which they weren't
I was allowing myself to be
my own biggest bully
and when I realized that
and saw myself being held
in those moments
I started to shift
this shift in what I did
is what I’m sharing with you today
because this changed everything
I still get those moments
when I don't feel safe
and my mind starts the bullying drama
and when I feel like the outward world
is threatening my very being
then I go to this place in my mind
I take my body to this safe moment
I catch the hostile flame early
and I blow out that toxic candle
before it becomes a torch
that spirals me with it's fumes
gentle steps to reclaim your day, this is what I do.
1. notice the whisper, not just the scream 🌬️
when the first cue of the hostile waves of emotions and thoughts is approaching
and my inner alarm goes off 🚨
I go to this place in my mind
I remind myself that what's happening inside of me is not necessarily truth
about me
I take myself to this circle of adoption
it's this place where I stood in 2009
while I was in Hawaii
I felt like I was being adopted
in my very being
from that orphan hostile place I held for
myself in my mind
to this belonging where
I was being embraced
with all in me
and I was being held
and when those first waves
start building up
I remind myself that what is true
is that I am adopted in love
and then when the toxic hostility tries to
build up and crash against me
I realize
it's just noise
and I can choose to let it roar
but not to be
swept away with it
like it was the truth about me
who I am deep down
it's just my nervous system
being loaded up
too tight
a moment when something triggering
got the mental system overloaded
and my mind went spiraling down and attacked me
2. respond with softness, not survival 🍵
I take my body to this safe moment
depending on where I am
when the first cues arise
of the hostility in the horizon
when I notice in my body
the signs
that something alarming is happening
if I’m at home
I take a nap
or curl up in the sofa with a soft blanket
or I make a cup of tea
I hold it in my hands
and remind myself of
what is true is the warmth
I feel in my hands
it reminds me
that I am safe
I breathe
if the waves crash in on me
with a stronger force in the beginning
I might add some essential oil
that reminds me of calm
I take a little walk
preferably in my garden
it always grounds me
back to safety
3. choose safety before the spiral
I catch the hostile flame early
I won't allow it to grow so strong anymore
without standing up for myself
I read my body and notice early
when my breathing becomes shallow
my stomach cramps
my shoulders tighten
I’m realizing that something
within me fights myself
and I won't allow that bullying in
full force anymore so easily
when I notice the early signs
I go to my safety toolkit
and I blow out the toxicity
before it convinces me
that what's going on inside of me
would be the truth
I choose to find safety
before my inner world blows up
in the spiral
I’m actively involved in putting out the fire
and when it's early on
it's becoming easier
as part of my daily routine
my inner voice becomes gentler
it's like there's this gentle mother
at home inside of me
who helps the tantrum bully girl
to calm down her rage
the older and wiser me
who knows I’m being held
and the afraid young one of me
who listens to all the echoes
and nasty whispers
that were meant to be blown out
with the wind 🌬️
🛟 fill in your safety toolkit:
what is your calming thought?
mine: I’m adopted in love
what is your calming action?
mine: nap / a cup of tea / garden tour
what is your early body cue?
mine: shallow breathing / stomach knot / shoulders tighten
having your toolkit ready is
the sweetest thing
of loving yourself tangibly
that you can do
Love,
Pia
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