i'm learning to both
be sensitive to my body
while also the boss
what all sensitive looks like
i never go and excercise
just rest and rest
and feel more tired
what all bossy looks like
i never rest and slow down
just run and run
tasting the blood
in my mouth
somewhere in the middle
is that sweet spot
being kind to myself
while doing the hard things
i can accomplish
new skills
when starting slow
and not giving up
along the way
i start loving
more and more
the grind
for the joy
that i find
in the process
and along the way
I've been thinking a lot lately what to tell myself.
To answer one question.
What is really important for me?
Right now, that is.
It's such a patience process to know yourself, isn't it?
Because we're constantly changing.
Or at least we seem to be, as we adjust to lifes challenges.
I am a work in progress, for sure.
But here's what I've figured.
What I really want to be after.
Who I want to be becoming.
An encourager like Barnabas was.
A great friend, like my friend Dan Baumann is.
Bold to be myself, listen to myself and to challenge myself.
Fully filled with deep internal p e a c e, no matter what goes on around me.
Playful lover of life, fully present in every moment, for every person around me.
Fully aware of who I am, adopted as a daughter by my heavenly Father.
Worthy to be loved, because he demonstrates that in my life each day.
These things I've made into a short code.
I'm reminding myself three times daily of these goals.
Every time my phone beeps its reminder alarm I see my code.
B&B: Bold, Peace, Playful. Adopted, Worthy.
What happens if I've forgotten to shift the reminder for the next day?
I notice myself shrinking with my awareness of who I am and who I am becoming.
Setting these reminders for the next day again feels just so good, deep down.
It's like I'm confessing to myself that I am actually worthy to be loved.
By just simply setting next days reminder.
How simple and yet, what an impact.
I wonder, after ten years of doing this, how do I view myself.
Have you tried setting a reminder for yourself of the person you're intentionally becoming?
What would be your code?
***
What challenged me to do something like this?
Reading a book called High Performance Habbits, by Brendon Burchard.
Have you heard of it?
and run to you
laying it down
as the runway
our souls connection
is better than
the high lonely
icy tower
embrace me with
my marks
of scattered pride
see the beauty
in my scarlet scars
i was broken
for you
as you have
always been
for me
beautiful
with your
scarred heart
I started watching after my sleep,
like I watch after my steps while running.
Just like before,
I trained myself to run each week,
now I'm training myself to stay in bed.
How silly is that.
But what a difference it makes.
I feel fresh during the day.
I make better choises, too.
I stopped myself from
drinking too much water at night,
what a thoughtless mistake.
I would always wake up.
And couldn't fall back to sleep.
Now I watch closely when I drink.
The same way I watch after my kids,
who easily forget to drink, instead.
I find myself reminding my scatterbrained self to
drink a lot during the day.
I'm even counting when I'll need to
go to sleep to reach the eight hours,
I aim for.
I've never been very good with the clock,
so it's easy this way,
simply letting the alarm tell me.
It wasn't so simple,
letting go of coffee
and switching to mate tea.
I first jumped to black tea,
then learned the art of making
this foreign herbal tea
in my own little cup.
It has helped with my caffeine headaches.
In here I would get them,
during the early electricity cuts.
Even when skipping my one cup of coffee routine.
What happened to my weekly exercise?
I had lost my swing for many months.
But after moving here,
I made changes for better.
I aim for three to five times.
That's the best remedy for my lazy side.
To keep on moving, at least every other day.
Running is my truest love of all movement.
Indoors is always much more work.
This week it's my only choice though.
Just learning to like it, little by little.
Starting at six, before the sun rises high.
Lifting weights, and all that.
Well, good night for now, sweet diary.
Let's see where I'm at, when we catch up again.
i run by the side of a road
next to a meadow
rain washes my face
brand new
i wonder
how can i serve you
better
if i don't even serve myself
really
what does that even mean
do more, accomplish more
no
in the silence of the nature
i hear the echo of my
own heart
getting washed by the rain
inwardly as i serve myself
by forgiving all the mistakes
i made today
all the words, thoughts
washed away by my own
act of forgiveness
i hear the nature singing
a new voice
not even a song
but a broken melody
and it's so beautiful
with it's freedom
to be heard
when b r o k e n
the beauty of a soft whistle
of the grasshopper
brings me to my senses
how can i know you
when i don't even know myself
how can i access something so deep
that fills my soul
if i do not dare to
look myself in the eyes
and say with silence
you're beautiful
just as you are
with those lonely few freckles
and that twisted smile
i am proud of you
i listen to
the one they sing after rain
soaring through the sky
proud of you
of you
you
Where I live from the nature.
Share my heart, as the waves wash the sand on the shore.
Open a window to some vivid dreams that live their own lives in the soul.
Walk with me through the deep green forest.
Dance bare foot through the golden meadows, ready to be embraced by the soon starlit skies.
Sit with me on the shore, for a while.
I whisper to your ear what I heard as an echo from one little heart, full of wonder.
Let's sit as the sun sets.
Let us count the stars.
When the wind wraps us into it's cool, soft embrace.
It is healing to be silent.
Sometimes alone.
Sometimes together.
Come here, when you need to be.
Silent, full of questions.
Just come, and we sit.
Side by side, on that meadow.
Filled with nature's silence, soft and warm.
Soft.
Warm.
Embrace.
Home.
have you ever felt the whole day spin before 9am? like something tiny set you off, but now you’re snappy to yourself in your mind, feel ex...
