While I was planning my wedding with my soon-to-be husband there was a lot going on. I was just to be graduating. The pressure was high on my levels to get everything ready on time, my studies, like my thesis and some unfinished courses, the arrangement of our brand new unfurnished home and the wedding reception.
While all that was going on I made a mistake. A big one. And this time, it was financial.
The details aren’t glamorous, but it was one of those moments where the consequences could have been devastating. I had taken a financial risk I shouldn’t have, and it had backfired. When I realized the mess I had created, panic set in. I was overwhelmed with guilt, ashamed of my actions, and terrified of what my fiancé would think.
He already knew, as he was there with the me, receiving the devastating news.
I expected disappointment. I expected frustration. Instead, I got understanding. He didn’t brush off my mistake or minimize it—he acknowledged how serious it was—but he also didn’t let it define me. "We’ll fix this together," he said.
That support was everything.
The days leading up to our wedding were a whirlwind of not just planning, but cleaning up the aftermath of my mistake. I worked hard to make things right, and he stood by me through every frustrating moment. By some miracle—truly, I still don’t know how everything fell into place—we got it all sorted out on time before the wedding day.
When we stood together at the altar, it felt like the past was behind us. It wasn’t just a wedding for me—it was a clean slate. For the first time in weeks, I wasn’t carrying the weight of guilt and shame. It was just me and him, standing together, ready to start something new.
Looking back, I’ve realized there were four key steps in forgiving myself and moving forward:
Acknowledgment: I had to recognize my mistake without piling on judgment. I needed to see it for what it was—just one chapter in my story, not the whole book.
Understanding: I had to reflect on the reasons behind my actions. Why had I made that financial choice? I wasn’t reckless; I had acted out of too much confidence where there was not enough trust in place though and a desire to do more than I was capable of at the time.
Compassion: This was the hardest part. I had to treat myself with the same kindness I would offer a friend in my shoes. If someone I loved had come to me with this mistake, I wouldn’t have condemned them. I’d remind them that everyone messes up. I had to extend that same grace to myself.
Release: This is where the healing began. I couldn’t carry the guilt with me into my marriage. I chose to let go of the weight, to see the experience as something I could learn from rather than something that defined me.
Starting our marriage from that place of honesty and grace made all the difference. It wasn’t a perfect start, but it was real. And in that realness, I found a deeper connection with my husband and, more importantly, with myself.
It was actually a defining, healing moment for me, now that I look backwards. It released me from some past unhealthy ways to cope and set me up for success to start a new way of leading my life with my husband. Old ties were broken. In that humble moment of beginnings I had a new way ahead of me, a new identity to step in.
When I think about those days now, I feel gratitude. Gratitude that my mistake didn’t derail our life, gratitude for my fiance's support, and gratitude for the lesson I learned about self-forgiveness.
If you’re carrying guilt over something you’ve done, remember this: You can own your mistake without letting it own you. You are not the sum of your missteps. With effort, honesty, and a willingness to forgive yourself, you can move forward with freedom.
The start of a new chapter doesn’t require perfection. It only requires the courage to acknowledge, understand, show compassion, and release.
For me, that future started the day I said, "I do." And it’s been stronger and more beautiful because I learned to forgive myself first.
Love,
Pia
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