How I almost missed my dream man - and what it taught me about big decisions

Let me tell you a story—one that changed my life forever.

I was in the middle of my studies and waiting for the right guy to come along. We had a season where our schedules were light, and I often hung out with my friends at the local gas station. Now, I know what you’re thinking—a gas station? But in our city, which was medium-sized by Finnish standards yet small enough to lack good late-night hangout spots, the gas station had become a popular meeting place for young people.

As I spent time there, I met all kinds of interesting guys, and conversations naturally flowed. But as I spoke with them, I started asking myself: Who am I really looking for? With each new person I met, my list of "ideal qualities" kept growing longer. I was getting lost in my own expectations.

Around that time, I was serving as a singer in a local church. One evening, a guest speaker shared something that shook me to my core. He talked about how so many people struggle to find their spouse, feeling frustrated and desperate, and he gave one simple piece of advice: Narrow your list down to just three things that truly matter.

I listened intently as he shared stories of people who had followed this advice and quite soon after found their spouses. His words stuck with me, and over the following days and weeks, I reflected deeply. Eventually, I distilled my list to three essential qualities:

1. A golden heart. I wanted someone with a kind and servant-hearted nature—someone who genuinely cared about others.

2. Shared core passions. My love for God had always been central to my life, and I wanted a partner who shared that. I was also passionate about different cultures, and I hoped my future husband would be, too.

3. The ability to build. This one was unexpected. One day, I visited a friend’s house, and her father—who was a carpenter—had built their home from beautiful, raw logs. The scent of wood, the feeling of warmth—it felt like home. I realized I wanted to be with someone who could create something with his hands, whether it was a home, furniture, or anything tangible and meaningful.

Armed with this clarity, I approached dating differently. Whenever I met someone new, I evaluated whether he aligned with these three qualities. And if he didn’t, I let it go. This meant saying several no’s in that season of my life.

Then, one day, at a church event for kids, a guy approached me and asked if I wanted to help film some fun video clips they were making. They needed an actress to bring a woman’s perspective, he said. His enthusiasm was infectious, and he seemed like a fun guy, so I agreed.

We spent the day laughing, filming the kids plays, and just enjoying the moment. And then, a few days later, I received an email—from him. He had realized we attended the same university and used our school email system to ask if I wanted to hang out.

I felt a mix of excitement and nerves, but I said yes. Our first real conversation took place during a long walk, where we talked about our shared love for traveling and different cultures. We swapped stories about family members who had lived abroad and places we dreamed of visiting. The more we spoke, the more I saw that he truly shared my passion for adventure and connection.

Yet, I hesitated. Past experiences had made me cautious, and I wasn’t sure if I could fully trust this new connection. When I confided in a friend about my fears, she said something that struck me: What if this is your future spouse, and you let him go because you’re too guarded? Would you regret not giving him a real chance?

Her words stayed with me, and I realized I had been letting fear hold me back. I decided to trust him and allow myself to be known. And from that moment, everything moved forward quickly. We connected on a deep level, and it became clear that our relationship was something serious and worth pursuing.

Looking back, I see how two simple pieces of advice changed my life. First, defining three essential qualities helped me cut through confusion and focus on what truly mattered. Second, asking myself if I would regret not pursuing something helped me step past fear and embrace love.

Now, years later, I’m still happily married to the man of my dreams—the very man who checked all three boxes on my list.

Now, what about you?

If you’re searching for something—or someone—maybe the answer isn’t adding more to your list. Maybe it’s about simplifying. What are the three things that truly matter to you? When you get clear on that, it becomes easier to see who aligns and who doesn’t. And when you meet someone who does or something you’ve been looking for? Don’t let fear hold you back.

You’re the one in control of your story. You get to decide what you want and what you’re willing to wait for. And maybe—just maybe—your person or your answer is closer than you think.

So tell me—

what are your three things?

Love,

Pia