Three Ways to Increase Level of Self-Safety

I stumbled on one of my automatic self-sabotage systems. Something we could call mercyless blaming. And what makes this mechanism so crucial for self-sabotaging is the fear it instills. 

It works to immediately destruct that little self-trust we've been able to create within ourselves. And it gives us zero permission for humane errors. If we treated our friends like this mechanism guides us to treat ourselves, we would most likely be left very alone.

If you find yourself facing this kind of self-sabotage, the good thing to realize is that this was something you learned and can unlearn. When you and I set as the new goal - instead of zero mistakes - increasing the level of self-safety, the whole framework shifts.

Treating mistakes as teachers to experience increased self-safety is a beautiful path. We do not condemn ourselves from our errors, but focus on how we treat ourselves when facing our own flaws and mistakes. Here's three simple ways how I practice increasing my self-safety when facing my own errors.

1️⃣ I welcome the full load of feelings, which come with the error.

As a highly sensitive person recovering from perfectionism, I can assure you that the emotional wave feels strongly in my body. You can make the flood of feelings safer to experience by recognizing where in the body they feel and naming them.

2️⃣ I ask myself what do I make this error, and what it brings, mean about myself.

Setting your being aside from your doing helps to create more self-safety. Your value is not determined by your actions that differ each moment, it is something more deeply profound. By letting yourself learn to experience being loved in the midst of the mess you created is one key component for increasing radical self-safety.

3️⃣ I take full responsibility for my actions and their outcome and as first step towards that ownership I forgive myself.

Taking full responsibility of the actions and outcomes might sound intimidating, yet it is deeply empowering. It lifts you above being just someone to whom life happens. You process things deeply internally and gain wisdom from your mistakes. You have more compassion for yourself and others through that experience. Forgiveness to yourself sets you up to deal with - instead of shame, guilt and blame cycle - clarity, peace of mind and creativity.

You are amazing human being and carry deep wisdom from your past paths. You let yourself loose to release all that wisdom outside of paralysing fears, when you nurture high levels of self-safety. You become that safe space for others. Experiencing you live it out they too learn that inner lifestyle rhythm of showing grace towards yourself when you wouldn't think you deserve it.