the dream, the fear and a bag of candy

 

If you find yourself doing something really brave and battling with fear this story is for you.

One month ago I sat in my garden and was filming for hours. My dream of creating a digital course was a brand new one. And it really awakened my fear battles. 

Some time ago I had come to a deep dive realization of what the real name of my fear was. And ever since that moment I want to create a video series to encourage other dreamers when they are making their dream a reality while battling with their fear.

After I had filmed all the videos. I took a two weeks pause for Summer vacation. I knew I had worked hard and wrestled through my own fears, taking a huge leap. Yet it took me two more weeks, amounting to one whole months’ break before I had gathered enough courage to go through my videos before releasing them out in the open.

I knew I needed to edit them before I could upload them to the final platform. And I had several times thought about starting this process but I chickened out time after time. Then I realized finally how much I had wasted time for procrastination.

I came up with this idea. Maybe I was inspired by the lollipops I had recently bought. It was my attempt to make long walks with our dog more intriguing for our teens. My leg injury was still limiting my role to 5 AM morning strolls with Nala using our electric scooter.

So I decided to bribe myself with candy. Yeah I know this probably sounds really silly and I agree 100%. But silly is my magic word oftentimes when I'm working around my fears and finding ways to combat them. 

As a backstory I have a critical sweet tooth. Especially now after the summer vacation I just feel it in my body that I need that sugar. While I'm getting back to my lifestyle change avoiding harsh sugar this thought came to me. 

I still have my cheat day once a week and I am allowed to eat a bag of candy during that day. Because I know that any bigger change is not going to last if I make two strict boundaries that I need to keep all the time. 

So I went yesterday to buy a huge bag of candy. It cost over 5€ it was almost half a kilo. If you didn't know it's super expensive to buy candy in Finland because of the tax that is added for this kind of sweets. But it was still a big bag. 

And you know what happened? I immediately started to edit my videos! It was already quite late but I was able to edit 6 full videos adding captions and making the beginning and the end of the videos smoother with the transitions.

And I'm telling this to you as a reminder that you are allowed to know yourself. To know your strengths and your weaknesses. And you are allowed to use your so-called weaknesses as your benefit when you find a way to go past through your fear. It might look silly. But in the end, who cares, right? 

What matters is that you are being honest with yourself. You're telling yourself that “I'm really afraid of this” and yet you're finding a way how to make it easier for you to take that tiny step. And then you find yourself taking more steps and finally who knows where you find yourself. <3

You’ve got this!

Love,

Pia

baby sparrow

I was like a tiny sparrow. newly hatched and too early stumbled out of the nest. helpless, I lay in the ashes, spreading my little wings. with my small voice I called for help, but it never came. defenseless, in the middle of a dangerous, too-windy world. alone.

but you came to me and lifted me out of my ashes. into my despair reached your gentle hand, and you began to care for me. in my orphanhood, you became a father to me. I bonded to you and recognized your voice from far away. our relationship became close and tender. you carried me, flightless, in the shelter of your palm, to places I could never have dreamed of.

then the day came when I grew and learned to fly on my own. I spread my wings and felt the power of the wind beneath me. in the strength I felt, as time went on, I forgot. I forgot that I had been lifted out of the ashes. I puffed out my chest feathers proudly and was pleased with myself. how well I had managed! and why not others too, since I had done it. it was their own fault if they lay in their ashes.

one evening, you took me to the far edge of that abandoned garden. you brushed away the fallen leaves and revealed beneath them my ash-nest. the pain returned to my chest and burned deep inside me. I remembered what it was like to be helpless, just gasping for breath. when no one heard my cry.

you touched my heart deeply in that moment. my heart, swollen with pride, was humbled, and I fell to my knees in the ashes. I wept tears of great joy and deep sorrow. I remembered again what it was like when I ate ashes like bread and mixed my drink with tears.

with gratitude, I looked back on the path behind me, your hand’s shelter over my life. would you help me, so that I too could stretch out my wings over another who has fallen into the ashes. I long for my heart to be as gentle and wide as yours.

love,

Pia

Be kind and rest

This Summer was different. My vacation started and I still had some personal goals I wanted to achieve while on my time off. So I kept working with my own stuff. I wrote scripts. While watching the kids swimming at the beach. I filmed a course. While hearing my family on their Summer activities, jumping on the trampoline, throwing the darts. And yet I knew this was such meaningful work for me to do. So I did it. 

But when I had filmed my course, I sat on the beach with my dear sister-in-law. They had come to visit and the kids were enjoying swimming. And while we were discussing I realized that I was harder on myself than I even realized. I had used half of my vacation for creating the scripts and filming and I still wasn't planning on giving myself vacation from the content creation work I work with in my free time.

While sitting on that beach I could feel my body carrying the weight and pressure of the past year. I could sense how my nervous system was stretched and wanted to relax so I could experience a full on reset. So I made the decision. And told to my sister-in-law that I had just decided to give myself a few weeks full vacation and time off from all of my work.

That decision caused my whole body to relax in a way that I felt it all the way in my nervous system. I was able to be present for resting in ways that my family had been doing already for the past few weeks. I found my real rest mode. No agendas. No task lists. Just me and the Summer and the people around me that mattered the most. And now coming back from my vacation, I can tell you the difference that made. The real reset happened and I feel rested and peaceful to my core.

I’m sharing this hoping it inspires you to listen to your body. It holds special wisdom that affects your well-being profoundly. How are you being kind to yourself and finding rest in the season you're in? 

Love,

Pia