Glimpses

The journey had got to a point that the level of noise reached its peak.

Perhaps I experienced it before, the after wave of moving.

The intensity of major new beginnings and their intersection present in my soul.

The time was right for silence.

Focusing on what went on in the deep end of the inner dialogue.

Guilt offered to accompany me all the way, as I shut the door in front of its long interfering nose.

For the authentic discussion to flow between you and me, I knew I needed to first connect with the newest version of myself.

She had remembered things new and ancient.

The glimpses of what she held dear to her transparent soul.

.f a m i l y.

Her family was ever growing in skills of using an ax to chop firewood.

Huge, nearly rotten tree trunks were falling on her land left and right.

They had hired a decades trained professional to cut them so they would eventually still have their house standing.

Some tallest ones grew so near that she imagined nights in a tent while the falling started.

Now they connected as a family in the outdoors while chopping went on and on and on.

.h i k i n g  w  n a l a.

Hiking was her long forgotten secret dream.

Raising up her huge puppy challenged her skills now in a training group while she gathered each time her inner peace and courage on the go.

When her over energetic puppy would be old enough she could train her to hike with her.

Twenty kilometers of wilderness winding along in her mind's eyes.

.g a r d e n.

Garden healing her soul she tended the soil, innerly crying for her deer eaten roses.

When the soil was healthy, growth for the plants would follow in their season.

Perhaps our deer alert puppy inside and the now grown fox puppies outside had scared the flower graving forest creatures away from our land.

Since, one day her over-and-over-again-eaten dahlias finally bloomed.

Right here right now

What have I recognized being changed during our years living abroad?

I truly realized the value of the ability to be present in the now.

For a decade I was practicing building my dream for the future.

And maybe deep down I thought that being present and loving the now moment would threaten my dream.

But I was wrong.

Although I have no regrets, I am determined to grow my mental muscle of staying present.

Here are two practical tips I am working with that you can try too, when you're letting your dream building and loving the present moment co-exist.

1️⃣ Mini-vacation right now

🏕️ My Summer holiday just ended and I started a mini holiday campaign. I take my hammock with me and something to read and drink and head outside for just a little while. If it rains I "go camping" lying wrapped inside the blanket. I might even consider a real sleeping back if the weather gets any colder.

🏕️ Think of an easy way to bring an element of rest and charging of your batteries. With that you can practice your staying present. What do you love to do and how could it be easily arranged right where you are on a regular day? Give it five to fifteen minutes and notice how it feels like.

2️⃣ You and me routine

🌊 A little while ago I started a routine that I'm planning on restarting. Me and the kids were playing a short board game before they went to sleep. I loved it and especially because now many of the games we have I really enjoy playing with my kids. My kids truly remind me of the importance of being present. They easily sense if I'm really there with them and I'll gladly let me spar me to grow in this area.

🌊 Establish a routine of connection. Who are some people you want to keep connecting more? Think of a simple routine that will help you to practice being present while you're connecting. Talk with your people about it and see what format works and with who. A virtual routine can be a great way too, so use your creativity to enjoy connecting with others you care about.

Often times we remember those moments clearly when we stayed present in the moment. You can always think about one of those memories and what it still means to you, as you establish new opportunities for making new precious memories now.

Life with a Puppy - Training Phase

Our puppy is four and half months old now, and I'll be sharing two simple tips that I have learned as I'm training my dog.

1️⃣ Consistency is a key

At first I was chasing a magical key for training my puppy to know all she needs to know overnight.

Then I dropped back on the face of the earth and made peace with the long process the training will take.

Staying consistent with what I do with my puppy has helped her to learn to sit, almost always when needed, to run to me when I call and to lay down or wait for her food.

These skill sets she is developing are making our family's life with a dog more pleasant, not to mention brought more calm and safety for the puppy's everyday life.

It has worked for us well to pick up the words we all use consistently for certain actions and activities.

I'm positive that staying consistent with your puppy will help you also to use consistency as a tool in other areas of your life.

2️⃣ Teach skill sets building one layer at a time - making them a chain of action 

This has worked well in leash training for us. 

At first I made a mistake trying to teach both walking on a leash and not pulling on a leash at the same time. 

No wonder my puppy was a little confused about what she was supposed to be doing when on a leash, to walk or to stop.

Then I learned about teaching the dog in such a way that one skill training phase builds on another earlier one.

As a result I stopped training not pulling on a leash and just focused on the skill of walking on the leash first.

When Nala seemed to get into a very natural leash walking mode, I noticed that the time was right for training the next skill sets in the chain.

When learning something new, building one layer at a time can help you, with your puppy 

and in any other area in life.

Finding Perspective

When things are piling up in your mind into a mountain of worries what do you do?

Do you have a sense of holding tools in your hands to respond?

Here's two ways that I am using for taking ownership of the mountain of worry.

1️⃣ Perspective of the worst case scenario

Imagine the worst case scenario in your life. That could be losing a loved one. Then all the other things fade away. Gary Vaynerchuk talks about this topic in his YouTube channel, and I've started implementing his idea and found it super helpful. The last time I used it was this morning, actually. I can warmly recommend this.

2️⃣ Who is there to help

Widen your thought pattern into thinking who are around you. Who else is affected by these things that bring worries to your mind. What could be a natural way of having a discussion with them about this topic. Often times the feeling of being all alone with the things that bother you, eats you more inside than the actual matter. I know this so we'll, since I am the do-it-all-by-yourself and am learning to lean on others more.

Share this with someone who has shared their worries with you lately. This is one way you can let them feel that you hear them and they are not alone. 

Hugs,

Pia

Two practical ways to outgrow perfectionism

Oftentimes the most valuable gift is being wasted for perfecting what is already good enough.

At least if you're a perfectionist too, like I am.

Choosing the good enough path will free for you the time for what matters to you the most.

You find the not-as-good-enough attitude tiring and guiding your focus to little details that really don't matter in the bigger picture.

I've learned a lot of good tips from my husband who is the opposite from me in many ways, the perfectionist traits included.

Here's what's been helping me lately a lot.

Think of this power-thought while you give these two tips a try: "Done is better than a perfect plan."

1️⃣ Choose the most simple and fast way and get it done.

I was planting seeds during the Easter holiday. The first round took me lots of time to prep. I set up a planting station outside, I even had my camping style seat warmers and all that, and had my coffee in a Stanley to-go-cup. There I sat listening to my favorite audiobook while slowly planting. It was super cozy and nice. The sun was so warm and I could feel the Spring in the air.

Some of the seeds needed a 24-hour "bath". When it was time to plant them the next day, I had lots of other fun things to do. So I chose the non-perfectionist way. I figured out the fastest and easiest way to do it. I took out the soil and the planting pots and placed them in the kitchen. I scooped the soil with my bare hands, dropped the pea-like seeds in, covered them with soil and poured on the water. Although the perfectionist inside me was screaming a big NOOO, I was so happy. All done in five minutes ✅.

2️⃣ Find out hidden useless standards and trash them while in action.

Our family lives now without a dishwasher. After a few months as a human dishwasher I started noticing what an endless amount it takes time for me to do the dishes. I started questioning the time it actually takes for me to get clean plates out of the murky waters. If I had a few plates and bunch of forks, would it really take thirty minutes to get it done in the real world⁉️

I chose to try the speedy lane my spouse takes when doing the dishes. And at the same time I realized why it had taken me so much time. Somehow in my mind I viewed the dishes as something super dirty, full of dangerous bacteria. I had earlier in my life washed moldy dishes, and perhaps these thoughts were coming from those experiences. Yet these dishes were just used the same day and with a quick and firm brush move they'd be all clean again in a blink of an eye.

After my realization, I started involving my kids too in doing their dishes. I didn't have to hold the ceiling-high standards for plates that we had just used a second ago. When you think of your everyday habits, aren't you excited for what small yet powerful new ways to rid hindering perfectionism you're able to create with some mere questioning on the move.

Share this post with a friend who is also a somewhat perfectionist. We've got this, girl ❤️!

Love, 

Pia

Three Ways to Increase Level of Self-Safety

I stumbled on one of my automatic self-sabotage systems. Something we could call mercyless blaming. And what makes this mechanism so crucial for self-sabotaging is the fear it instills. 

It works to immediately destruct that little self-trust we've been able to create within ourselves. And it gives us zero permission for humane errors. If we treated our friends like this mechanism guides us to treat ourselves, we would most likely be left very alone.

If you find yourself facing this kind of self-sabotage, the good thing to realize is that this was something you learned and can unlearn. When you and I set as the new goal - instead of zero mistakes - increasing the level of self-safety, the whole framework shifts.

Treating mistakes as teachers to experience increased self-safety is a beautiful path. We do not condemn ourselves from our errors, but focus on how we treat ourselves when facing our own flaws and mistakes. Here's three simple ways how I practice increasing my self-safety when facing my own errors.

1️⃣ I welcome the full load of feelings, which come with the error.

As a highly sensitive person recovering from perfectionism, I can assure you that the emotional wave feels strongly in my body. You can make the flood of feelings safer to experience by recognizing where in the body they feel and naming them.

2️⃣ I ask myself what do I make this error, and what it brings, mean about myself.

Setting your being aside from your doing helps to create more self-safety. Your value is not determined by your actions that differ each moment, it is something more deeply profound. By letting yourself learn to experience being loved in the midst of the mess you created is one key component for increasing radical self-safety.

3️⃣ I take full responsibility for my actions and their outcome and as first step towards that ownership I forgive myself.

Taking full responsibility of the actions and outcomes might sound intimidating, yet it is deeply empowering. It lifts you above being just someone to whom life happens. You process things deeply internally and gain wisdom from your mistakes. You have more compassion for yourself and others through that experience. Forgiveness to yourself sets you up to deal with - instead of shame, guilt and blame cycle - clarity, peace of mind and creativity.

You are amazing human being and carry deep wisdom from your past paths. You let yourself loose to release all that wisdom outside of paralysing fears, when you nurture high levels of self-safety. You become that safe space for others. Experiencing you live it out they too learn that inner lifestyle rhythm of showing grace towards yourself when you wouldn't think you deserve it. 

Courage in Discuise

Have you thought about how bravery looks and feels like?

How does bravery feel like when we carry the image that we're extremely shy?

Or when normal daily situations push you violently into a pit of anxiety, mirroring what once happened to you and predicting your doom around every corner.

How does being brave feel like with that baggage?

Would you call it bravery if it looks just perfectly normal activity from the outsider perspective?

Courage as a word provokes images of confidence, calm and steady.

When actually lived out, it can feel like many other very opposite internally chaotic scenarios.

When you and I seek our path it's often easy to withdraw from situations where real, raw courage is inevitably needed.

Yet, what's interesting about courage, is that it doesn't automatically give you credit.

And in practise, you can water down lived out courage with millions of explanations.

In reality, even during just the past week, you've been tremendously brave.

You've put yourself out there on hard days.

You've chosen to show up for others when you had hundred of reasons why not.

The thoughts that you think, are echoing in your mind creating this another reality, the non-brave you.

Reasons why it was easy for you to act like you did come flooding.

It's suddenly crystal clear that what happened had zero to do with you choosing to be brave and everything with sunny circumstances, in the end.

You shrink into a size of a pea in a pod and the hero of the story is out of the blue some random imaginary explanation.

Although, in the midst of it all, you've been secretly using the muscle of bravery and seen the outcome.

Behind the illusion, this is what real bravery feels like.

Embracing the messy.

Taking responsibility of the things you did wrong, that caused someone else pain, or just plainly more work.

Dealing with things that cause you pain and cleaning that emotional dirty laundry.

Feeling scared out of your being and choosing to show up anyway.

Doing the things failing forward, with poor results, while inside you went through a paralyzed-by-fear experience and came to the other side with a "DONE" stamp on your forehead.

To be honest, it's time for you to get honest with yourself.

Those messy results you're seeing in your life, what if they are real and raw bravery in their core?

What if, the only person between you and the realization of how brave you already are, is Y O U?

Isn't it time to be brave with giving yourself some serious credit?

The world around you doesn't need to give fanfairs or shower party glitter over you.

It is radically powerful enough, that you give yourself honest feedback.

And see the things as what they really are.

Speaking out, while carrying the image of being shy is utmost bravery.

No medals are given for that.

You need to stand up for yourself and show yourself some loving, compassionate and serious admiration.

Doing the daily things that fly your anxiety to the roof?

Give yourself an authentic applause.

Seriously.

Stop what you're doing and recognize for once, how actually awesome you are.

You were made for being brave.

It's part of the manuscript of life.

When you start counting fairly your everyday bravery in disguise, it soon becomes like counting the stars.

Every time you realize, that messy situation is undoubtedly paired with your everyday bravery, give yourself an imaginary sticker on your shoulder.

It may look like a parrot or not, yet the mental act carries a powerful message.

That someone sees you being brave.

And often times we are that most influential someone to ourselves, when we just start acting like our very best friend.

Sooner or later when you find your inner being been laminated with some bird stickers, in your gut you'll know, that you are actually unbelievably brave.

Love,

Pia