Authentic self-discovery

Do you want to hear something vulnerable?

I'll share what happened, in just a sec.

But first, a bit of funny facts.

Can you imagine what I was wearing most of my teenage home-body-days?

Beanies of all kinds, the funkier, the better for those regular bad hair days.

And do you guess what I'm asking myself in this season?

If I'm okay with all the layers of myself, even that goofy beanie wearing girl.

Who mostly makes bad jokes (a.k.a. not funny 😂 although trying so hard).

And hides that sparkly, (maybe a bit annoyingly 😅) giggly side of herself in the crowd under a quiet, somewhat serious surface.

But I tell myself that all that hiding is just my fear of rejection in disquise.

Like for real.

A little while ago you might have seen some goofy videos from me in my socials.

And that's all because of that question.

I finally said yes to the possibility of being rejected.

I know you're kind, and my rejection experience would be just my own mind testifying to me that my fear is valid (although a lie).

And I would actually feel rejected by m y s e l f.

I would hear those cold words ringing in my ears out of my own making "just look at you, who would love you?! Really!?"

I've been working with these layers of old shame and rejection for several years and through several councelling seasons too.

And I can sincerely recommend talking with a good, kind councellor to heal the deepest pain, if you can relate to my experience on a personal level.

Through this journey, chapter after chapter, I've build further my ability to love myself and to accept affection.

Those goofy videos to my social media were born through the process of reminding myself that no matter what, I am loved.

And nothing I do or don't do, who I am or am not, cannot change that.

I just wanted to be real and raw.

In that "this is the goofy me, hello, nice to meet you dear" kind of way.

With no editing of who I am.

What I didn't realize was that on the other side of that door of authentic self-discovery waited such deep joy of just being myself.

No more, no less.

No masks on.

Maybe just one withered beanie.

I wanted to share you about this process of standing on one of the most vulnerable area I could find in this season, for one reason.

All this is to say, as an encouragement to that moment when you ask yourself authentic questions...

...that you're the only one who can open that door of your self-discovery.

Be kind to yourself.

And when time is right, also firm.

When you find yourself sitting with those questions echoing in your heart, remember this one thing.

You. are. so. loved.