Joy vs. Perfectionism

When was the last time you gave yourself nurturing feedback?

I’ve been pondering a lot about being your own cheerleader and how that can affect everything you do.

We seek for healthy and balanced relationships with others, instead of toxic, twisted ones.

But yesterday I realized how very easily my own automated self-talk is coming out of toxic, twisted demands that have no grace or joy.

I stopped to evaluate, what exactly was it that I was demanding of myself.

A perfectly managed life in every area.

And as a roadmap I had a list of rigid lifeless NO’s and MUST’s, with no celebration of the life that was actually happening around me.

A perfectionist approach that killed all the joy before I even started doing anything.

Yes, I am a recovering perfectionist, so this shouldn’t surprise me.

But the way that automated self-talk was playing in my mind was so toxic, that I would never allow it as something that’s okay in my relationships with others.

And yet I was blindly obeying it, going through my lists of demanded perfection.

How does it look like for you to intentionally build a relationship with yourself, that allows you to enjoy your life as it is, today?

What lists of perfection do you throw into the trash bin when your mind creates drama and offers you the toxic list?

What is the simple thought that you commit to carrying that allows you to see the beauty in your life today, as it is?

Yes, you can build your life piece by piece, further from here, guided by pure joy, but you find your way into that spot only through thankfulness of what already is.

Name one thing you’re thankful for today, just as it is.

And that’s where you start.

Real and raw joy is your guide along the way. 

I’ve learned a secret that toxic perfectionism and that bubbly joy are opposite powers.

Going back to find where you are

 

Do you know that feeling of being lost in the now? When everything is busy and blurry and starts to become meaningless?

That space of blurry is often easy to fill with complaints. Naming the blaims and faults becomes like second nature. Breathing in what’s wrong and breathing out whose fault it is.

As a remedy I often go back to find where I am. Back where, you might ask. Those moments when I felt a deep connection between where I was and who I was becoming. 

And I am asking myself, what am I missing? What am I not being able to see, that’s helping me to connect where I am with who I am becoming right now?

And how is this where I am right now, actually one dream come true? Something that I hoped for, before?

The power of gratitude comes from a simple truth, I think. That what I have now is all a gift. And me being able to see all that what has been given to me is a true blessing.

Where are you now and how does it connect with who you are becoming in this season?

Is it the more courageous you? Or a more authentic version of you with yourself?

In the Waiting

What has been a long waiting period for you that ended up in a fulfillment?

Can you see which parts of your identity and personality matured?

I stumbled on these five AM mornings by an accident, I could say, but that wouldn’t be true. So I choose to look at it this way, although seeing myself having my own back is as surprising as the fact that I as a Finn am living in Uruguay. I was being prepared for this by the long maturing process of waiting.

When was the first time I dreamed of having my own company? It’s hard to remember this morning, but I did start my first official company when I was just about to graduate from my bachelor’s. It was an experience that taught me a lot, what not to do and was short lived. But I am deeply thankful for that experience as it matured me in so many ways, among other good things that came out of it.

After my babies were born, I was trying out creating different products for my future business. And what I learned from that waiting season was that I loved producing more in the form of coming up with new ideas than with making the same products over and over again.

Now that I was one month ago about to take the leap of changing my sleeping routines one hour earlier, I could see how I had matured in the area of taking myself seriously. Before, I would go around and seek validation from others, but would keep my own validation out of reach for myself.

After starting to change that and showing my own support to myself, everything pretty much changed. Visibly it was the beginning of that five AM business hour for me. So it might not look like a lot, on the outside. Yet in my inner world, I could see that thorough change, like all that waiting and maturing and learning was compounding in that moment. In the form of me finally having my own back.

When you think of your life, and in the light of your deep desire to serve in the specific arena, what have you already learned that can benefit you tremendously? How much space do you create for yourself to notice all that?

Discussion with your body

What kind of conversations do you have with yourself? 

And have you ever had one with your body?

This might sound strange but I believe that your body has a way of communicating it’s needs for you.

Yesterday reminded me of this, as something funny happened.

Do you want to hear what it was?

I had been going for the gym for a few months and running every now and then. 

And last week, when I wasn’t doing those things I would go for a walk, especially since we had our friends' dogs staying with us until this morning.

It was Monday night 7 o’clock and since I had had a few interrupted nights, I thought to change to my pyjamas really early.

But then it happened.

It felt like for me, I explained to my husband later, like my body was actually talking to me.

Have you ever experienced that? I continued asking my husband.

He probably thought it was a bit funny, too.

What ended up happening after that interesting moment?

I heard myseld saying out loud: “I’m going for a walk, so if someone wants to join me, let’s go now!”

My husband ended up going for the walk with me.

And while we were walking he heard about my interesting experience.

It all got me thinking how I had actually become so much better in listening to my body’s needs lately.

I would start my morning always with a big glass of water, to combat any possibility of dehydration.

Then I would stretch, not every morning, but if I felt stiff.

I would stop eating when feeling slightly full.

I would work with my self to change the snack into a fruit instead of a muffin that was offered in my lunch place.

I would drink mate tea instead of the too-strong-for-my-stomach coffee while at work.

And I would move my body consistently, giving it proper resting days in between the heavier exercise and only doing some light movement instead then.

And I would go to sleep at 9 pm.

This routine I started recently to get the 8 hours of sleep before waking up to work with my business content creation at 5 am.

But as I did all this I didn't expect my awareness of my body’s needs to become this evident.

What a lovely surprise.

Especially after living so many years with the false thought of “I’m not athletic so my body's needs don’t really matter”.

Big Emotions

As a mom I get to work through so many emotions.

Many of them are not mine.

Still, they are handed over to me on a plate full of variety.

I am a highly sensitive person, by the way.

And that makes it super tempting to take the whole tray and live like it's all mine.

If you find this familiar in your mom life too here's what has helped me.

I have been learning the skill of naming my feelings.

And the emphasis being on the part  m y.

I've also practised the skill of saying no thanks, to the emotions that are not mine.

Lastly, I've made it okay for me to  f e e l  my feelings, no matter how ugly or negative they may be.

Having an honest look at what's going on in my own heart has made me a far more safe mom to be around.

I'm still a work in progress and that is okay too.

As long as I never stop learning.