The Tide

 Do you ever wonder what it means to be wanted?

This morning I was working through my thoughts in an area where I want to radically grow.

I knew I had to dig deep, once more.

I did my daily thought modeling and in my mind I chose to go back to one of the most painful seasons in my childhood.

Those moments when I deeply felt the pain of being unwanted.

I was the shy girl in the group.

I withdrew myself away from relationships.

I did it unconsciously just to make sure I wasn't being left alone, as I was the one leaving early on, emotionally.

I felt disgusted about myself.

I saw myself as unwanted and I was living in that reality that I created through that belief.

That feeling of disgust about myself was what I found myself facing again in this area of growth I'm now working with.

It's other name is shame.

Is that familiar to you at all?

I hope not, but if you've walked paths that look anything like mine, I know how that feels.

It feels heart breaking.

And the most painful thing about it is that these feelings are so ugly, that they easily isolate you from others to experience them deeply alone.

But here's the hope that you and I have.

These feelings in themselves are not based on the truth about you and me.

The real truth is that you and I are deeply wanted, gently held and beautifully cherished.

And this changes everything.

When we let it.

I worked with changing the thoughts I have about myself for years.

As I still do, every day.

And it truly shifted something in my life, over time.

I became more gentle and kind with myself.

I started to deeply heal.

I'm sharing this with you because I know what beauty is stored up for you, as you keep on walking that path of authentically choosing to love yourself.

And to let yourself be loved and held.

But the healing also urges you to walk the ugly part of the path too, where you face those lies about yourself you've been believing ang feeding.

Yet I know you can do it, there's that grace to take baby steps and process small bits and pieces of it and overtime you'll see how far you've come.

You'll find yourself learning from those most devastating pains of your past like you ate your morning oatmeal.

Simple as that.

Because you've worked with your heart so much and you know it's safe.

That you'll be held, when the waves of the past pains come like the tide.

You'll be safe on the shore, one more piece further healed after the pain eases.

Once more you can see more clearly what's the most important in your life.

And you'll recognize that it was the tide of the healing pain that swept your shores.

Leaving you with deeper appreciation of what 

you've been given and how you're being held.