From disappointment to new beginning

When that deep disappointment rolls over you this is how it feels. 

It fades all the colors away from your everyday life. 

It tastes bitter and spreads its taste to all you touch. 

It feels like a heavy weight in your chests and like a deep ache in your whole body.

At least that's how it felt for me.

If you've been through something similar, have you ever wondered how this can be a birthing place for something new?

When all the hope is gone.

When the sky is gray and everything feels dead.

Like the sun and the moon and the stars were all darkened for a lifetime.

What you're feeling is the firm grip of mid winter. 

Where all that has life needs to cover themselves.

Make a safe space for that feeling of disappointment to just be.

Allow it, the way you just can.

And watch that miracle of hope be born inside of you over time.

Time itself doesn't heal you.

But the allowing that you choose, does.

It heals slowly those aching wounds into part of your story.

They don't limit your life, how you live from now on.

You choosing to embrace your pain, sets you free to experience life in its fullness.

You embracing the pain as a birthplace for something new, sets you up for a life fully lived.

It doesn't ask you to fake anything.

It asks you to be really real with yourself.

And it takes you from there, when your heart is ready.

When you just let it.

And whatever is birth out of that place, holds space for others to find healing like you did.

From your life story as you didn't hide yourself from the pain.

You grew through it.

Through all those ugly, cold and empty tombs of many deaths.

You came to the other side of that painful shadow filled journey.

And there's that power hidden.

Because if you could, so can they.

There's unique beauty in our brokenness, yours and mine.

Us making space for the real and raw and the healing within, it all carries.

How are you making that space today, darling?

You doing that is so beautiful, all words fade away.

There's just silence and awe.

Embrace the beauty of now

What it feels like when you watch your dream die?

When it happened to me, I felt so heart broken, so I get it if you've ever felt the same.

Although, after going through that experience twice, and when a lot of healing had happened, I saw something.

It was my dream rising from the dead and becoming true.

Now that I'm living my dream, of living abroad, I can feel the healthy weight of what I went through.

And how it actually matured me like nothing else could.

It actually made me stronger to go through the ugly parts of my dream come true life.

Because, yes, those parts are part of the deal.

No dream, when it actually happens, is spotless.

All of them have wrinkles, spots, and lots of dirt.

And you might easily loose sight of what is valuable.

Keep your eyes on the horizon, when the devastating feelings start to creep in.

No matter at what stage of your dream you are, keep your eyes on the horizon.

See the beautiful bigger picture.

You becoming a better version of you than you could have imagined.

You maturing in areas that really matter.

You're beautiful.

And you're held.

No matter, what part is still ahead of you.

This moment is valuable.

Embrace it with all you have.

Build your belief

Have you noticed how strongly your beliefs drive your perspective?

I used to live out of that place of lack for so long.

And I didn't even realize it.

I was just wondering how I could ever experience any change, since there was no way.

That's what I felt and that’s what I thought was true.

And when I started actively working with building my belief, it was uncomfortable.

At times I was so challenged that I just cried and cried.

Thinking why I chose this road.

But I knew it was the road to change.

So I kept taking the steps.

Tiny steps.

Over a long time.

And I chose to be challenged.

Over and over.

And today when I look back, I can see how growth has brought so much beauty in my life.

Deeper peace over fear, more abundant joy over worry.

It has opened my eyes for that pain that carries real freedom.

That's what I call a beautiful journey.

All those steps of feeling like I am dying when I knew that it was for deeper self love and service for others at the same time.

What growth can you see, when you look back?

What are you willing to sacrifice today for greater freedom tomorrow?

And I am talking about the comfort that you know is toxic for your growth, sweetie.

Not the sacrifice of sleep, depriving yourself from self care or real deep connection.

That is not what you need to give up.

Instead, always make space for what fills your body, mind and soul with energy and true joy.

Just let go of the fake comfort you know you're clinging onto today.

Love the version of you that you're embracing out of your comfort zone, darling.

Love that girl.

Because it's you tomorrow, when you're free to see the foundation of abundance you live your life from.

I used to be a guilt junkie

My addiction to carrying around guilt was a real issue for me for a long time.

Guilt has driven me away from a lot of good things in my life.

And I embraced my guilt driven lifestyle even more when I became a mother.

When the feeling comes to nag me, I feel it taking a grip of my body.

It's so tangible, that it used to strongly guide my decisions towards those ones that wouldn't bring me guilt.

How familiar are you with mom guilt?

I was a champion in the world wide mom guilt competition.

I wouldn't do nearly anything for myself if the feeling of guilt came lurking around.

Today, after a lomg journey for healing in this area, I can tell you that the feeling still arrives.

But it doesn't dominate my decisions, thoughts or how I feel.

I choose taking care of me so I could take better care of others.

For example going to do my excercise is one area where this freedom to be good to me is often tested.

I hear these echoes in my head "it's selfish to be away from your family".

And I respond with my own thought "I'm such a better wife and mom when I do this exercise, more patient, loving and present".

And the echo gets quiet.

Here are a few things that have helped me.

Acknowledging that I have a problem called unhealthy guilt. 

>> I've studied this topic and what an actually healthy guilt looks like, for more awareness. <<

Surrounding myself with people who have a healthy habit of loving themselves.

>> One of the best ways for me is to exercise together with my friends. <<

Practising a habit of speaking kindly to myself has made such a difference.

>> Now that the nagging feeling comes, I just start speaking kindly to myself and it gets quiet and calm in my head very fast. <<

You've come so far and all of it has value

You have come so far and all of it has value. Your journey teaches you and molds you, if you let it. And I believe that it's evident that you let it teach you, as you came here and are reading this. Let's seek wisdom together. 

Here's the hard truth. Wisdom for you looks very different than what it looks like for your friend. And it is as valuable as it is different. What you need is based on who you are, who you are becoming and in which areas you are growing actively now.

Seasons change and you may change with them. But there's something in the core of your heart that stays the same. I find it so beautiful. Sometimes it's intriguing to build heavy walls around your heart so you wouldn't feel that devastating pain of a fully embraced and lived life.

Walls never provide safety though. They only provide isolation. True safety lives inside of your heart. You knowing that you're being held. Powerful understanding of how to take step in forgiveness and peace guides you to build connection instead of walls.

You know how boundaries are very different from walls. They tell the others where you have valuable areas for yourself and where they cannot just rush in. Boundaries also show where you can meet and nourish connection.

On the other hand walls close entrance to your life, in the whole. They cut communication, even slightest possibility for connection. Isolation is never healthy, when you're a human being. When you and I are connected, life flows between us. It's something we cannot experience alone. It is the beauty and the gift of connection.