Fill your cup

I walked the path of inner healing and still do.

Something I've learned through that path that changed a lot in my life is this.

If I never pour into my own cup I will go around looking like from the outside like I serve others but I actually do it out of my own neediness.

And it ends up being all self focused and self serving.

This was painful to realize.

Especially as a person who loves to serve others needs.

I started to slowly learn what it looks like to fill my cup first.

But many times it felt selfish.

It felt so wrong.

But when I learned little by little to do it, it was so powerful.

I would start my day, pouring into my cup.

And I would then go out to my day pouring into others.

I would end my day pouring into me again.

Pushing through the thoughts of "what a selfish lifestyle I am living" and replacing them with a thought of "this is what healthy and whole looks like".

It's still a daily choice that I face every day and I do have days and seasons when I'm very drawn to my old ways.

But I've learned to experience the filled cup moments as part of the good and healthy lifestyle that I want to practise and learn. 

And each time when I successfully choose to fill my cup I'm forming a habbit that can radically shift the way I show up.

I read to fill my soul with good thoughts.

I walk to let my radically peace filled thoughts find their way deep down, where I embrace them as the hope that walks with me, even through the storm.

I wash my face, while the thought of being so fully loved and held washes my soul.

Filling your own cup is simple.

Although it comes through a struggle of understanding your worth and being okay with you also having needs.

And you being the gatekeeper of those needs being met.

This is the path of loving others well, when you start with yourself.

Besides, you filling your cup just for the sake of it, is also a beautiful thing.

The Tide

 Do you ever wonder what it means to be wanted?

This morning I was working through my thoughts in an area where I want to radically grow.

I knew I had to dig deep, once more.

I did my daily thought modeling and in my mind I chose to go back to one of the most painful seasons in my childhood.

Those moments when I deeply felt the pain of being unwanted.

I was the shy girl in the group.

I withdrew myself away from relationships.

I did it unconsciously just to make sure I wasn't being left alone, as I was the one leaving early on, emotionally.

I felt disgusted about myself.

I saw myself as unwanted and I was living in that reality that I created through that belief.

That feeling of disgust about myself was what I found myself facing again in this area of growth I'm now working with.

It's other name is shame.

Is that familiar to you at all?

I hope not, but if you've walked paths that look anything like mine, I know how that feels.

It feels heart breaking.

And the most painful thing about it is that these feelings are so ugly, that they easily isolate you from others to experience them deeply alone.

But here's the hope that you and I have.

These feelings in themselves are not based on the truth about you and me.

The real truth is that you and I are deeply wanted, gently held and beautifully cherished.

And this changes everything.

When we let it.

I worked with changing the thoughts I have about myself for years.

As I still do, every day.

And it truly shifted something in my life, over time.

I became more gentle and kind with myself.

I started to deeply heal.

I'm sharing this with you because I know what beauty is stored up for you, as you keep on walking that path of authentically choosing to love yourself.

And to let yourself be loved and held.

But the healing also urges you to walk the ugly part of the path too, where you face those lies about yourself you've been believing ang feeding.

Yet I know you can do it, there's that grace to take baby steps and process small bits and pieces of it and overtime you'll see how far you've come.

You'll find yourself learning from those most devastating pains of your past like you ate your morning oatmeal.

Simple as that.

Because you've worked with your heart so much and you know it's safe.

That you'll be held, when the waves of the past pains come like the tide.

You'll be safe on the shore, one more piece further healed after the pain eases.

Once more you can see more clearly what's the most important in your life.

And you'll recognize that it was the tide of the healing pain that swept your shores.

Leaving you with deeper appreciation of what 

you've been given and how you're being held.

 

Journey to you

While I took time off to be with my family on a vacation, I noticed something interesting. It was the tone of my thoughts. Have you ever experienced a shift in your thoughts from playful, dreamy thoughts during your freetime transitioning to serious, liveless thoughts? If you have, then I know how that must have felt.

While I found myself being so serious in my thought processes, I started asking questions. Why are my thoughts so serious? I realised that I was carrying the world on my shoulders, and knew that I didn't need to. I started asking myself what really nurtured those playful thoughts I used to have before?

I could find my answer to be simple things. A cup of tea in the garden. A peaceful walk outside in the nature. Playful time with loved ones. Really just simple daily things. But with a certain childlike posture. Not having a care in the world. Like little children.

If you're with me in this, let's make that cup of tea and sit in the garden. Walk around the shady green trees and blossoming meadows. Watch in the sparkling eyes of your loved ones as they laugh joyfully. And you too will find your way back to your childlike wonder that nurtures your beautiful soul.