Finding Perspective

When things are piling up in your mind into a mountain of worries what do you do?

Do you have a sense of holding tools in your hands to respond?

Here's two ways that I am using for taking ownership of the mountain of worry.

1️⃣ Perspective of the worst case scenario

Imagine the worst case scenario in your life. That could be losing a loved one. Then all the other things fade away. Gary Vaynerchuk talks about this topic in his YouTube channel, and I've started implementing his idea and found it super helpful. The last time I used it was this morning, actually. I can warmly recommend this.

2️⃣ Who is there to help

Widen your thought pattern into thinking who are around you. Who else is affected by these things that bring worries to your mind. What could be a natural way of having a discussion with them about this topic. Often times the feeling of being all alone with the things that bother you, eats you more inside than the actual matter. I know this so we'll, since I am the do-it-all-by-yourself and am learning to lean on others more.

Share this with someone who has shared their worries with you lately. This is one way you can let them feel that you hear them and they are not alone. 

Hugs,

Pia

Two practical ways to outgrow perfectionism

Oftentimes the most valuable gift is being wasted for perfecting what is already good enough.

At least if you're a perfectionist too, like I am.

Choosing the good enough path will free for you the time for what matters to you the most.

You find the not-as-good-enough attitude tiring and guiding your focus to little details that really don't matter in the bigger picture.

I've learned a lot of good tips from my husband who is the opposite from me in many ways, the perfectionist traits included.

Here's what's been helping me lately a lot.

Think of this power-thought while you give these two tips a try: "Done is better than a perfect plan."

1️⃣ Choose the most simple and fast way and get it done.

I was planting seeds during the Easter holiday. The first round took me lots of time to prep. I set up a planting station outside, I even had my camping style seat warmers and all that, and had my coffee in a Stanley to-go-cup. There I sat listening to my favorite audiobook while slowly planting. It was super cozy and nice. The sun was so warm and I could feel the Spring in the air.

Some of the seeds needed a 24-hour "bath". When it was time to plant them the next day, I had lots of other fun things to do. So I chose the non-perfectionist way. I figured out the fastest and easiest way to do it. I took out the soil and the planting pots and placed them in the kitchen. I scooped the soil with my bare hands, dropped the pea-like seeds in, covered them with soil and poured on the water. Although the perfectionist inside me was screaming a big NOOO, I was so happy. All done in five minutes ✅.

2️⃣ Find out hidden useless standards and trash them while in action.

Our family lives now without a dishwasher. After a few months as a human dishwasher I started noticing what an endless amount it takes time for me to do the dishes. I started questioning the time it actually takes for me to get clean plates out of the murky waters. If I had a few plates and bunch of forks, would it really take thirty minutes to get it done in the real world⁉️

I chose to try the speedy lane my spouse takes when doing the dishes. And at the same time I realized why it had taken me so much time. Somehow in my mind I viewed the dishes as something super dirty, full of dangerous bacteria. I had earlier in my life washed moldy dishes, and perhaps these thoughts were coming from those experiences. Yet these dishes were just used the same day and with a quick and firm brush move they'd be all clean again in a blink of an eye.

After my realization, I started involving my kids too in doing their dishes. I didn't have to hold the ceiling-high standards for plates that we had just used a second ago. When you think of your everyday habits, aren't you excited for what small yet powerful new ways to rid hindering perfectionism you're able to create with some mere questioning on the move.

Share this post with a friend who is also a somewhat perfectionist. We've got this, girl ❤️!

Love, 

Pia

Three Ways to Increase Level of Self-Safety

I stumbled on one of my automatic self-sabotage systems. Something we could call mercyless blaming. And what makes this mechanism so crucial for self-sabotaging is the fear it instills. 

It works to immediately destruct that little self-trust we've been able to create within ourselves. And it gives us zero permission for humane errors. If we treated our friends like this mechanism guides us to treat ourselves, we would most likely be left very alone.

If you find yourself facing this kind of self-sabotage, the good thing to realize is that this was something you learned and can unlearn. When you and I set as the new goal - instead of zero mistakes - increasing the level of self-safety, the whole framework shifts.

Treating mistakes as teachers to experience increased self-safety is a beautiful path. We do not condemn ourselves from our errors, but focus on how we treat ourselves when facing our own flaws and mistakes. Here's three simple ways how I practice increasing my self-safety when facing my own errors.

1️⃣ I welcome the full load of feelings, which come with the error.

As a highly sensitive person recovering from perfectionism, I can assure you that the emotional wave feels strongly in my body. You can make the flood of feelings safer to experience by recognizing where in the body they feel and naming them.

2️⃣ I ask myself what do I make this error, and what it brings, mean about myself.

Setting your being aside from your doing helps to create more self-safety. Your value is not determined by your actions that differ each moment, it is something more deeply profound. By letting yourself learn to experience being loved in the midst of the mess you created is one key component for increasing radical self-safety.

3️⃣ I take full responsibility for my actions and their outcome and as first step towards that ownership I forgive myself.

Taking full responsibility of the actions and outcomes might sound intimidating, yet it is deeply empowering. It lifts you above being just someone to whom life happens. You process things deeply internally and gain wisdom from your mistakes. You have more compassion for yourself and others through that experience. Forgiveness to yourself sets you up to deal with - instead of shame, guilt and blame cycle - clarity, peace of mind and creativity.

You are amazing human being and carry deep wisdom from your past paths. You let yourself loose to release all that wisdom outside of paralysing fears, when you nurture high levels of self-safety. You become that safe space for others. Experiencing you live it out they too learn that inner lifestyle rhythm of showing grace towards yourself when you wouldn't think you deserve it.